Shades of Sorrow
by Griever11
Summary: A post ep for 8x02. Short and angsty. Kate Beckett visits Burke.


The clock strikes six and Carter Burke sighs, happy for once that he gets to leave on time. There had been no unforeseen complications today, thank god, and he packs up for the day. He's picking up his suitcase, phone in hand ready to leave his office when his door bursts open.

His secretary appears at the doorway, wild eyed and flustered. "Doctor, there's a Katherine Beckett here, really insistent. I told her we're done for the day, but she won't leave. She says to let you know that she really needs to see you."

Burke tilts his head at her, a little confused. He hasn't seen Kate Beckett in a long time, and as far as he's concerned when they parted ways, she'd been in a very good place.

For her to be here, right now, demanding to see him, he could only fear the worst. He pulls his coat off and nods at his secretary.

"That's fine, Dorothy, let her in."

He manages to take his seat, notepad in hand just as Beckett enters, a slight limp in her gait. Burke bites his tongue, the question dying on his lips. He'll wait her out. If experience is anything to go by, pushing her won't yield any results. She'll talk when she's ready.

She fidgets where she stands, eyes darting to and fro the room, never landing on a spot for more than mere seconds. Burke notices the faded line of mascara down her cheeks, the smudged eyeliner along the corner of her eyes; she'd been crying. His senses goes on high alert, fingers gripping the pen in his hand just a little tighter.

What's she gotten herself into this time?

Beckett's gnawing her bottom lip, hands crossed low around her abdomen. She winces as her fingers brush against what he can only assume is an injury beneath the oversized shirt draped over her figure.

"I'm sorry Doctor Burke, for dropping in like this, but I feel like," Beckett pauses and inhales, body shaking with effort. "I feel like my world, everything that I've worked for is crumbling at my feet."

Burke nods but he's mentally reeling. The woman standing before him isn't the same woman who walked out his door all those months ago, a grim smile on her face, ready to conquer life's worst obstacles. She'd been happy then, finally together with the love of her life, close to solving the case that had defined her youth.

She's trembling now, fingers fidgeting as she starts pacing back and forth in his office. "The last time we were here, you said ... the right choice is whatever choice I can live with I ... I thought I understood what you meant then."

Burke nods, remembering it all too well. The scandal with Bracken had weighed on his mind for days, tormenting him. Has something else happened? He thought that had been long resolved, especially since the man had been sent to jail.

"I did, yes. Has something changed since then?"

Beckett stops pacing and leans against the side of his couch, face ashen, swallowing big gulps of air as she contemplates her words.

"But...what if the right thing to do - the most logical one, isn't one I can live with? What if what I've done," she sniffles, distress clear on her features as tears pool in her eyes. "is something I can't change - can't take back, and if he-"

She swipes at the stream of tears sliding down her face, a little angry, a little upset. "-if he doesn't take me back, how can I live with myself then?"

Burke inhales, long and steady. He has no idea what she's talking about, and he's desperate to find out but it looks like she needs to take the moment to rant, so he remains silent, waits her out.

"I love him." She breathes out the confession, gasps at the weight of her words. "You don't _know_. I love him so much sometimes it hurts on the inside when I don't see his face, when I don't hear his voice. I can't...a life without him is one I don't ever want to live."

"But what's the point if I get him killed? He'll be gone then and I'll still be alone. I don't _want_ to be alone, I've - my life with him is everything I've ever wanted and I can't _do_ this without him. We were supposed to grow old together, have children, grandchildren. I've fucked everything up and I did it to keep him safe - for him, for _us_."

"Only now, I've broken his heart, I saw it. I saw how much I hurt him by walking away and I still did it. I want to keep him safe, so at least - at least that way I'll have someone to come back to. It was the right thing to do, it was the safest option."

"But if it was right, if it was the only thing I could have done, why does it feel like my life is over?"

A strangle sob escapes her lips as she finishes, tears streaming freely down her face. She's distraught, body shaking as she lists into the back of his couch, head pushed back, staring at the ceiling.

Placing his notepad back on his desk, he leans forward, clearing his throat to get her attention.

"Kate, why don't you start from the beginning?"

* * *

Unbeta'd whoops!

Super excited for the new season, bring it on!

Twitter: estheryam  
Tumblr: griever11


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